Why The Perfect Recovery Mindset Doesn’t Exist

I was doing so well…and then I slipped. Again. If you’ve ever found yourself saying these words, you aren’t alone.

When you relapse during recovery, it can be easy for your mind to become your worst enemy, making you feel as if any progress you made up untill this moment doesn’t matter.

But the truth is, setbacks are part of recovery. This slipping and getting back up again is a pattern that most have been through. Yet, many of us don’t talk about relapse, which can fool us into thinking that recovery is linear.

The best road to recovery is one full of mindful self-compassion. There is no easy ride, but if you are kind to yourself along the way, you will grow stronger and slowly get to your recovery goal.

The Myth Of a Perfect Recovery

If you have a perfect recovery mindset, you might believe that when you’ve relapsed, you have failed, or that you should be improving faster.

It’s easy to think that when you commit to healing and recovery, you should be able to follow through. You should be motivated and do the right things, otherwise you're not healing, right?

Wrong, the perfect recovery mindset is a myth. Your recovery is a personal journey that includes hard days and setbacks; that's what we call progress, even if it seems like you're going backward in the moment.

Matter of fact, this perfection mindset can make recovery harder since we feel ashamed and therefore give up altogether, or don’t ask for any support. Don’t compare your journey to anyone else's.

Once we give up this mindset of perfection, we can focus on a more sustainable journey to healing without a harmful all-or-nothing mindset, simply taking one day at a time.

Mindful Recovery With Self-Compassion

A more mindful, gentle recovery mindset is the way forward. Allowing yourself to have more self-compassion means you can recognize that progress includes setbacks and what matters is how we treat ourselves so we can get back up when we slip.

Having this mindful self-awareness also means we can support ourselves better, ask for help, and recognize our triggers. Think of recovery like learning a new hobby or instrument, we often make mistakes along the way, need to ask for help, or want to give up, that's all part of the growing process.

What To Do If You’ve Relapsed During Recovery

So you’ve slipped. This is the chance to give yourself mindful self-compassion when you need it most. Your first instinct is likely to panic and spiral, but try following these steps instead:

1. Pause and breathe - Give yourself permission to take a step back. Take a break and avoid trying to fix everything right now. Breathe and come back to your body.
2. Name what has happened - Allow yourself to name what's happened with compassion, it’s important you don’t try to avoid your setback, but instead, see it for what it is and don’t judge it. It was a setback, but this doesn’t mean you are a failure.
3. Reflect - Approach yourself with curiosity, ask yourself what you were feeling before it happened, why you think it happened, and how you can get support. What do you need right now?
4. Return to your anchors - Go back to what makes you feel good and grounded. This could be going for a walk in nature, journaling, talking with a friend, or doing some exercise.

Slipping up is inevitable when you are on your healing journey; the power lies in how you respond to it, and if you respond with kindness and self-compassion rather than punishment, this is called sustainable recovery.

Here's a Gentle Reminder

Your path to recovery is allowed to be messy; it's okay to slip up, it's okay to take a break, and it's okay to feel like you're failing. These are normal steps in recovery; you're not behind.

Every time you bounce back with kindness and compassion, this allows you to start from where you are, not from the beginning. You start each time with more experience, making you stronger and wiser in the long run.

What truly matters if you're recovering is that you keep going, not how many times you slip up.